Tuesday, December 29, 2015



‘Just a cheat’, makes it sounds more preferable to a sex addict. Both suck (so to speak). Both are quite similar and so it is hard to differentiate between them. Plus there are degrees thereof. Your man may not fit all bullet points but he may well be one or the other. However, do not be confused with someone who has a high sex drive. He could just like having sex a lot!

Before getting serious with him find out about his history. If he’s cheated before, he will cheat on you. However, he could lie about his past, in which case you might find yourself heavily embroiled with one and are now asking this question.

Let us begin with the Cheater:

We presume he’s not an all out sociopath or narcissist - just your honest to goodness cheating arsehole. You will ask yourself the following questions:

Am I not enough for him?
Ans: No one is ever enough.

Why does he cheat?
Ans: Because he can.

-He is often insecure (not about sex, but about his value outside of sex).
-You are probably a strong, competent woman (which is why he loves you), but who daily disempowers him. Having sex with others gives him momentary power. He might even enjoy this form of secret one-up-manship on you!
-The cheater is self-indulgent. He’s a hedonist. He’s manipulative and an opportunist. -It’s a game for him more than a desperate need.
- It’s a challenge to see if they can get away with it. Cheaters need variety in their life - the thrill of another conquest. The complexities of lies he has to come up with, the risk of discovery, the euphoria of getting away with it is what drives him and not necessarily about dipping his wick.
-He gravitates towards women who adore him. Adores to be adored.
-He’s often a public flirt (not always as he may have perfected the act of hiding this from you). He thinks if he flirts in front of you, you will assume he has nothing more to hide.

Warning points:
If you found yourself a full on narcissist then you are in more trouble than you thought. He’s just going to be banging whatever opportunity comes his way. He is a liar. He can swing separate lives. He has only self-interest.

If you got yourself a sociopath then you are in serious trouble (and I mean serious). He has made a study of people and behaviour. He can fake everything (except an orgasm probably), concern, empathy, guilt, remorse, belief. He feels nothing: not your pain, not your fear. He can watch you cry and he can mimic all the right expressions and words until you forgive him. He is an actor.

Cheaters are often jealous. Listen to what they accuse you of (even in a joke). They are projecting whatever they are up to, i.e. ‘who were you having sex with last night when you didn’t answer my call LOL?’
Meaning: ‘I sometimes don’t answer you because I’m banging someone’.

They always want more of everything: love, desire, admiration. What you can give them is not enough.

They are often emotionally dependent upon you, which give you the false impression that they would never cheat because they need you. But they are filled with self-doubt so they seek admiration and desire from others.

Can he stop? Yes, if he decides to and probably out of self-interest rather than you banging on about this destructive behaviour.

Now for the very complex and multi-facetted sex addict:

-He is in denial. I know it’s hard to imagine that he can deny to himself that he has his dick in another woman and is not being unfaithful. But the psychologists tell me this is the case. He does know he’s having sex with someone but in some incredibly complex (and I don’t understand) way he is not a cheater per se. It is a compulsion he has to act upon (much like the need to pee, eat, admire cars).
- It’s likely he has other sexual addictions - Internet sex, sexting, porn.
- It’s likely he has other addictions- smoking, drugs, drink.
- Sex is a drug. He needs it to sate himself. He cannot control his urge.
(Incase you are wondering if sex is his motivation, the answer is scarier: He needs constant affirmation he is desired and wanted. He has a deep-seated hunger for validation).
- He flirts continually. He sees women only in a sexual way. He sizes them up sexually before deciding which compartment he would put them in. He thinks about sex a lot, innuendoes trip off his well-used tongue.
-He is not completely in touch with consequences and therefore does not see the destruction of his sexual acts.
- His behaviour can escalate and often does. He can puts sex before everything else: you, family, work, the law.
- Sex is used to deal with other stressful situations. When anything becomes too burdensome, sex becomes the answer.

Can he be tamed?
Apparently, yes: Anti-depressant drugs are often used to stem urges.

In my research of the above there were moments I had to question my own behaviour. This then brought me to the realization that to catagorise everyone so neatly into this package is unfair on each individual. We need to take into account other aspects of an individual  (where they are from, their culture, their astrological sign, their Chinese animal sign, parents, history etc.)

Or am I in denial?

Monday, October 19, 2015


-When dictatorship is a fact, revolution becomes a right – Victor Hugo.


Where do bad leaders go? To a rubble heap, erased from history to live only in historical writings as a warning to others? The good in us takes comfort in this knowledge, but until the bad man is taken down men must die.

Do bad men begin with good intensions? Does rule corrupt the pocket and the mind? Hitler rose to power when a destroyed Germany needed him. He was their saviour – their hope – their promise of a bright future. I would say many never realised what he would become, otherwise surely someone would have stopped him in his tracks; but then I believe there is more good in the world than there is bad. Good is not always a strong monitor of evil because good believes there is good in evil men. And when good understand its mistake the struggle to remove evil is often hard and protracted.

Stalin? Trotsky saw the evil in him. Trotsky was exiled and executed by Stalin. A good man down; and other good men allowed Stalin to continue his reign of terror because of fear for themselves. Fear divides good men until fear loses its power. Only then good men rise like zombies from their shattered dreams.

In this world today, we have many evil men creating chaos in all forms – war, and in supposed peace. Good men have a chance of turning a place from the brink of war or civil war by taking power from an evil man at peacetime. We do this at the ballot box and when the ballot is corrupt, then we use internal and external pressure, and when that fails, then we use force, or we sit it out. God forbid we should fear enough to sit it out!

At least we know when bad men fall (and they always do) their identity is not revered; their wealth, their palaces, their titles are removed; their name slots under the title of ‘dictator’, ‘despot’, ‘murderer’. Statues raised in their honour are raised to the ground in their shame. Buildings/towns/streets that once carried their name are renamed. (Although I still hold fast that Leningrad should never have reverted to its original. Lenin saved the people with his Marxist ideals from rulers who believed they were untouchable).

And so despots of today understand this: you will be remembered in history but infamously. Your statue will fall, your palace will burn, your family will run. And good men will rise to rebuild what you took.

-Dictatorship arises out of democracy, and the most aggravated forms of tyranny and slavery out of the most extreme liberty – Plato.

-Sometimes I think that a parody of democracy could be more dangerous than a blatant dictatorship, because that gives people an opportunity to avoid doing anything about it – Aung Sang Suu Kyi.

-An intellectual’s weapon is writing, but sometimes people react as if it were a firearm. A writer can do a lot to change the situation, but as far as I know, no dictatorship has fallen because of a sonnet - Mario Benedetti.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015


THE INNER CIRCLE MISSIVES: A SHALLOW SISTER'S TAKE ON 'THE ULITIMATE PENIS'.: A SHALLOW SISTER’S TAKE ON ‘THE ULIMATE PENIS’. I stand by my declaration that size matters. Now, if all women would ...



I stand by my declaration that size matters. Now, if all women would stand by this fact (and it is a fact (albeit mainly mine)) than we can one day dispense of that dreaded micro penis. How? Well evolution has proved (in the animal kingdom) that penises evolve to match the changing environment, and in some cases the desires of the female. In the case of The Argentine Lake Duck this is an evolution of rejection. She took measures to protect herself from gang rape. (Yes, it is true gang rape is common in the duck world, which may make you feel differently about refusing (on animal conservation grounds) that ‘duck a la orange’ you crave). The duck has evolved a vagina more complex than the maze at Hampton Court. Her vagina twists like a corkscrew quite a distance into her body, thus making penetration for the male a no-goer – so you’d hope. However this was not kept as an evolutionary secret, which would have ensured extinction for the entire Argentinean Lake duck population. Death by confit duck perhaps? Mother Nature was on the side of the males on this one and they quickly evolved their penises to unwind up to 42.5 cm like a corkscrew - and so the species lives on. The size of the Argentina Lake Duck’s penis is hung longer than a horse so perhaps we should also evolve and wish for ‘Hung a la Duck’.

Monday, March 16, 2015



Do emotions cloud decisions? Often. But I believe there is a journey IN and a journey OUT requiring an opposite set of rules.

Emotions should take a back seat for your journey into a relationship. Assess analytically why you wish to commit? If emotion is your main focus then perhaps you need to step away and listen to what your friends have been telling you (unless you’ve been feeding them horseshit and they don’t know the reality).  These friends are often the voice of reason.

Make your IN decision to commit on the basis that you cannot change your partner; that he will not change for you or any one else. If you can live with that then you may not need a back door later on.

Your journey OUT is probably best made with emotion (now you’ve found out you cannot change your partner). If you are mentally bruised then let passion spur you to make serious changes. Allowing the logical step of looking at reality when all the feathers have settled may undermine your courage. Fear is a great sticking plaster: fear of being alone, fear of what others think, fear of financial changes, fear of the wide eyes of children and fear of your inability to cope alone.

In short: Go in with reason and leave with passion.

What if you think passion will cloud judgement? Then detach from yourself. Imagine someone you care about has asked for your advice. What would tell them?

And if you are still at a loss there is always the toss of a coin. How do you feel about the outcome? Ask yourself one question after the coin has spoken. “Am I happy with that decision?” If you are ‘roll with it’ and if not choose the flip side.

Choices are gambles anyway and even if we can predict a journey there is no guarantee on any outcome. So, perhaps we should stop looking at the end game and make decisions on how great or not the journey is.