Friday, December 29, 2017



Traditions can be nice but they can also stunt our growth.

A society that doesn’t look critically at its traditions with a view to updating them is in danger of perpetuating misogyny, racism and violence.

What are we teaching our children, and affirming to ourselves when we celebrate an invasion of someone else’s land? Strength, Force, Violence?

Some celebrate The Spanish annihilation of the Incas on Columbus Day. Are we misguidedly honouring an explorer’s venture into New Lands?
New Americans honour their forefathers with Thanksgiving - these same settlers who drove the Native Americans from their lands to reservations (not before a good dose of genocide). Are we admiring Bullying?
The Ottomans conquered Constantinople, and celebrations for this act of murder and theft takes place every year.
What does the above teach our children? That it’s all right to take what is not ours by force?  How different is this from then assuming possession of an item when stolen?  Apparently, the one who dares (and has the cunning) is acclaimed for it. How can we possibly reward this by accepting those who take what is not theirs, especially when history does not denote the possibility of previous ownership?

What of Bastille Day in France? - The ending of tyranny. I’m all for that one. Long may that party continue. It represents the power of the small people. It represents freedom. We should celebrate that.

What of family traditions? In some emancipated countries where women are seen as equal to men, tradition views it differently. During the engagement procedures in Turkey (a western secular democracy) the men and women sit separately. The men discuss if the marriage is acceptable to both parties, whilst the women wait. Once agreed upon the women set to work in the kitchen preparing food for all to enjoy. The bride-to-be must carry a tray of coffee to offer to the men. As this is going on children run around watching and learning where they belong in society: the decision maker or the server?

It is certainly time to end tradition linked to superstition. A menstruating girl in Nepal is banished from the household until she stops bleeding. During that time: should she touch a cow, it is believed the animal will stop giving milk. Hard enough dealing with a period without the stigma of ‘unclean’ and ‘blame’ attached. How is that still acceptable in the real world?

How is any of the above (and the many others I have not documented here) still ‘a thing’? It’s up to us to look at each of our traditions, analyze them and decide what they teach our young and if they work towards acceptance and equality for all. Surely, with an update on tradition, the next generation would be kinder. We would not then need to rewire our young, whose mindset we have poisoned by believing our traditions are quaint and harmless.

Friday, August 18, 2017





We all have dark thoughts; we all descend into the outer reaches of hell, just for a peek, if only to see what resides there.

So, if you think creepy thoughts then it follows that the date you are about to meet up with does too. Based upon his zodiac sign, let us find out what kind of horror-scope awaits you!

If you think I’m again talking bollocks I would like to add that these are not my findings since my limit on the celestial arts is not as extensive. The below insight I have gleaned from sources published on Rebel Circus, Bustle, Thought Catalogue, Ganeshaspeaks, and about another dozen or so publications.

Now, before you go tarring your date with just one brush, you can colour his dark world with many more shades of black by checking his rising sign (you’ll need his date, place and time of birth  (the internet will work the rest of it out for you)). This will also give you his moon (which as we know, from my various missives, has a lot to do with our darkness). In this way you may have a fuller idea of what creepiness awaits.

But before you go delving into the innards of his madness you should check your own. See how accurate it all is? Scary findings in itself.


ARIES: You are death obsessed. You are always thinking about your own death and the death of those closest to you. It’s creepy but perfectly normal for you as you are one of the death signs.

TAURUS: You are a stalker. You are most likely to know exactly what your ex is doing post breakup due to extreme lurking. If he’s seeing someone else you’ll find that person on social media and look through all their stuff because you just can’t let go.

GEMINI: You are skilled liar. You should be a writer because man can you weave a vivid tale. Sometimes, you lie just for the fun of it. Just to see if you can get away with it. And you always do. Because of its duality, Gemini has the ability to reframe almost anything as their own version of the truth. 

CANCER: You are obsessive. When it comes to relationships you have to remind yourself not to get carried away. It’s in your nature to nurture, but the obsession with your partner is not only creepy but suffocating.

LEO: You just want to be loved and admired. Sometimes, you picture your own funeral. You imagine who would show up first. Who would cry the loudest? Who would be the most torn apart by your death. It’s a sick fantasy that makes you feel important.
VIRGO: You have secret bizarre sexual fetishes that live in the back of your mind. Unfortunately, that’s generally where they stay due to the shy nature of the Virgo. However, there’s an inner freak that envisions some pretty kinky stuff and one day you might just bring it out.

LIBRA: You are most likely to have an aching curiosity about all things creepy. It led you to click on that article and watch that documentary. You’ve seen some shit, thanks to the Internet and your overwhelming desire to know the why, who and when of every disturbing thing you read or see.

SCORPIO: You can get super dark. In fact, you are the darkest of all the signs. Dark thoughts pop into your head easily: thoughts of murder and scenarios of violence. You can’t help but think about how at any moment you could choose to be a murderer or start a fire or drop a baby.

SAGITTARIUS: You can be cold hearted. You love your freedom and run away from problems. It’s easier to do that than face them and solve relationship issues. You often feel numb at times when you should be feeling extreme happiness or sadness.

CAPRICORN: You fantasize about murder, specifically murdering those closest to you. You plan out the deaths of your friends and family members. It’s not that you actually want to hurt them. It’s just a mental exercise. You try to figure out how you’d get away with each of their murders — just to see how smart you are.

AQUARIUS: You think about what you’ll say at your friends’ and family’s funerals. What’s creepy is how often you think about it. They’re not sick thoughts or anything. But you like to be creative — and what’s more creative than writing an emotional eulogy?

PISCES: You think of horrible scenarios like: a shooting at work, the apartment block set on fire by a madman, so you can be the hero. You swoop in and stop the attacker. You think you have to save everyone, so you think of terrible situations in which you can to step up and save the day.

Monday, July 24, 2017


THE INNER CIRCLE MISSIVES: A SHALLOW SISTER'S DATING WORKSHOP - CRY WOLF: A SHALLOW SISTER’S DATING WORKSHOP – CRY WOLF If you thought parables were taught for no good reason. You are wrong. Crying ...



If you thought parables were taught for no good reason. You are wrong.

Crying wolf is all about belief. Lie and you are no longer believed, even if one day you tell the truth.

When it comes to threats you cannot ‘cry wolf’. How would you retract the consequences of your warning? Of course at the time you may have thought you were ready to act upon your ‘on pain of death’ promise. But a warning given in anger or hurt is as good as one given in the cold light of day because belief is what makes a threat work. Without it there is no strength to the law you lay down. And once you are calm belief is no-where to be seen and your threat is an empty one.

Let’s say your partner cheats on you. Did you tell him at the onset of dating that ‘cheating’ would be ‘the red card’? And now that he has, you are instead waving a ‘yellow card’? Ok, I grant that you have one shot when you can renege. After all he is showing remorse and throwing promises at you that you don’t quite believe, but want to. But what happens when it happens again? (For those who believe it won’t, can I point you toward the scientific statistic the web is full of). Do you wave an ‘orange card’, perhaps a ‘fuchsia one’? No. You do not become the boy that cries wolf. You expel him from your life.

What happens if you don’t? Well… all threats made from that time onwards have no weight. He may fear it will be the one time you act upon it, but deep down he has lost respect for you; probably about as much respect as you have lost for yourself for being unable to believe in your right to have promises met.

Of course what you should have done at the onset is temper the initial threat i.e. “I’d be devastated if you ever cheated on me. I’m unsure if our relationship could withstand that”. Thus come the time he disappoints you, you can move up a notch on the ladder of threats without dumping him.

This then leads up to the question of “Why are you putting up with a man who falls so far short of what you want?” Perhaps, rather than give him a hard time for hurting you, you should look at yourself and ask why you’d rather be in fear of more pain, than be alone.

Remember that once you’ve made a threat you need to act upon it. Otherwise, you are giving your partner the power. He knows your threats mean little. He knows he can keep disappointing you (which won’t just extend to cheating) because he knows you fear losing him.  Of course there is the chance of ‘the last straw’ showing up. In which case he’ll either be relieved you broke it off or sorry you have. You, on the other hand will be so done with pain and hurt it won’t matter to you what he thinks.

Saturday, May 20, 2017


THE INNER CIRCLE MISSIVES: A SHALLOW SISTER'S TAKE ON DEATH: A SHALLOW SISTER’S TAKE ON DEATH. A wise man and my mother said, “In this life you can be certain of one thing – we a...



A wise man and my mother said, “In this life you can be certain of one thing – we all die”.
Benjamin Franklin added ‘taxes’ to that quote.

Since that is the case why do we see death as a finishing line? One where others judge us on our deathbed? Are we around to hear the words “He lived an exemplary life” (when in reality he wanted to run off with the scrubber next door and do drugs); or “She gave her life taking care of others” (when in reality she didn’t have the courage to travel the world with a rucksack and no internet connection). At the end of this faultless existence do we get a badge?

Sometimes it takes death to give us life. To make us understand we should be living it fully and not making sure we stay on the straight white lines of banality. Should we always look towards a future we have not lived, planning for a retirement we may not have, forgetting we have a present to revel in? It is the present that decides our future and if we continue along the path of pointlessness that will also become our future. I’m not talking about finding the cure for Ebola or inventing a gadget we all need. It’s about living, loving, enjoying the moment. It is also not about hedonism and recklessness. It is about the balance of the soul, not the pocket.

Perhaps losing someone is the ultimate gift they give you. Sometimes death sets you free of fear especially if you lose a part of yourself – a partner you never thought you could live without, a beloved parent or worse yet, a child.  Do you know there is no word, in any language that labels a parent who has lost a child? Is the thought so horrendous that no one came up with one?

When your partner dies you are a widow or widower. The moment you utter that word you elicit warm feelings of compassion, a response that even suggests you may find someone else to love.
When you lose a parent you are motherless or fatherless. When you lose both, you are an orphan. This word is a scar you carry and others acknowledge your loss with sympathy.
But the loss of your child has no name and therefore you can’t distance yourself from the tragedy. You can’t mention a label that contains the full understanding of your bereavement. Thus telling others can be long and protracted for it is not something that is easily dropped into a conversation. Others may well reel in horror, and rightly so for it is a death that never stops tearing on the inside ensuring wounds that never heal. And so you may well hide that information from others, making it a secret and then feel the guilt of not acknowledging someone who was an essential part of you.

Many take to loss with morbid enthusiasm, diving into drink and loneliness. Others rise like Phoenixes to live two lives (their own and the dead).

Perhaps to live a life fully one must lose a part of oneself? Perhaps only then we can fully appreciate ‘the moment’. Perhaps then we can understand that there is no life unless it involves laughter and love. Perhaps then we can ignore the fears of a dodgy retirement plan or accept living in a rut is ‘the bed we made’.

But I know this. My life has not been exemplary. It is pitted with mistakes. If I were to stand before the puritanical God(s) I would not gain access to their ‘cloud’. But I do know this I have loved greatly, lost massively, laughed loudly and dreamed without borders. And when I die they can label me selfish, hedonistic and wild. I will not care because I’ll be dead and with my last breath I will know I have lived, truly lived, well enough to free my soul.

At least Lord Byron would be proud of me.