My boyfriend has been brainwashed by Islamic fundamentalist or so I believed, but actually he just wanted to break up with me.
SHALLOW SISTER’S GUIDE TO LYING BASTARDS
Just when you think you’ve heard it all, you haven’t.
How many more ways can a man without balls come up with camouflage to avoid the honest truth – which is ‘I don’t love you anymore because you….. (a) Fart in bed.
(b) Won’t let me fart in bed. ‘
What happened to honesty? Ah but then forgive me for forgetting that a man might be like a woman (other than in the ‘ball-less’ fact).
But this latest one takes the biscuit. And from one so young too.
This ball-less wonder returned from months in the United Kingdom to his devoted girlfriend. She dived into his arms upon his arrival and was met with her knight in full amour, thus making cuddling somewhat impossible. Over the course of several hours she tried to get him out of his combat gear and then he dropped the bombshell.
‘It’s a sin for us to touch.’
He then elaborated by saying how he had met some people who reunited him with his religious roots (up until then never seen or talked about or heard of). He was a born again Jihadist. The girlfriend questioned him and discovered secrecy surrounded his answers which was easy to detect as being such since his response to all questions were ‘You don’t need to know anything. It’s not your business.’
His change of career move also appeared worrying. Teaching to Logistics.
The makings of …well something sinister. The girlfriend panicked further realizing that any ‘born again’ would be trying his damdest to convert her. Not such the case with this boyfriend.
She ran around like a headless chicken for several hours wondering whether to alert Interpol, her embassy, his mother.
She talked with anyone who would listen and they all came back with the same hysteria ‘OMG you’re dating a suicide bomber.’
The girlfriend searched high and low for a deprogrammer and found one.
Are there no limits to this Shallow Sister’s skills?
Yes, I am a deprogrammer in my spare time, between writing missives, living a life and earning a living.
I went to meet the jihadist boyfriend.
The only connection he has with religion is his using of it to get out of a relationship. This ball-less bastard couldn’t come up with anything better than that. His secrecy surrounding his enlightenment was because he had not thought up a good foundation story.
His lack of inviting his girlfriend to join in his new path was because he did not wish her to come with him on any path.
His change from teaching to Logistics is because he can earn more money from the latter.
He had to come clean in the end otherwise he would have been subjected to a weekend of deprogramming and/or be on Interpol’s watch list.
His ex girlfriend is destroyed and is considering strapping a vest of dynamite to his chest in response. Nothing ball- less in that!