Wednesday, August 10, 2011

THE THREE D'S: A SHALLOW SISTER’S DATING WORKSHOP




Drink
Drugs
Dick

Shallow we are but keyed up and informed we need always be.

Let’s tackle the first ‘D’. 

Drink:

None of this moderation stuff.  None of this ‘you shouldn’t mix your drinks’.  This is how to tackle the probability that you will (a) drink too much (b) mix your drinks.

Rule number one:  Hydrate.  With every drink you have you should drink at least half a liter of water.  Keep a bottle with you at all times.  Remember alcohol is aging and rehydrating is a smart solution.

Hangover?  Years of research and we have an Irishman and a connoisseur of the hangover to thank for the ultimate cure:
1-tablespoon yoghurt
¼ teaspoon salt
(if you are in Turkey then quarter fill your glass with Ayran)
Top up with plain sparkling water and drink quickly.

Women often drink and dial.  In order to avoid this make sure you change the contact name of those you don’t wish to dial while drinking, something like ‘don’t call under any circumstances’, ‘you are drunk – you will regret this’.  Surprisingly it works.

Good points to remember with drink:
Men look 25% better looking (hence the morning after the night before horror when you realize who you took to bed).
You look 25% better looking.  Don’t believe me?  Check yourself out in the mirror of the bathroom after a few drinks and you will think you are invincible.  In order to avoid the morning after the night before horror (from his perspective) never stay the night.

Drugs. 
Never do drink and drugs together.
Be informed on what you are taking – Google it.
Trust who you are taking something from.
Where ever possible ask an expert (e.g. the cannabis college in Amsterdam will have your head spinning with information on different strains, never mind just smoking them).
Drug dialing never happens.  You may think you’ve done it.  You may think of doing it but with hash at least you can rely on short-term memory loss and you’ll soon forget about doing it.

You see 25% more detail when stoned on weed.  Not good if you have got yourself an older gentleman friend.
He sees 25% more detail when stoned on weed.  Not good if you yourself are the older partner.
However, if he’s smoking weed with you he’s probably into you anyway.
Cannabis is a good way to avoid the morning after horror since I am yet to sleep with someone stoned on it that I hadn’t wanted to, plus stoned sex is often the best sex.

Dicks.
Why do you think we often call inadequate men ‘dicks’?  Could it be that we often find dicks inadequate to our total needs?  Could it be something to do with the fact that men often think with this appendage? 
As for dating ‘a dick’.  You may find the need for alcohol and indeed drugs combined to make it possible to find out if the dick has a dick worth having.  Women, forget all those rules i.e. size of thumb, size of feet, size of nose in order to determine the size of the dick.  None are any indication of what you may find.  It’s a lottery out there.  No rules apply.  Again you may need drink and/or drugs to get you through the disappointment or fear.

In conclusion: Drink, drugs and dicks can be a lethal combination if not balanced carefully.  Shallow sisters’ don’t do regret, so be informed and if you screw up then, don’t give yourself a hard time about it.




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