Tuesday, December 27, 2011

CHRISTMAS : A SHALLOW SISTER'S GUIDE

Let all lovers and prospective lovers know what you want for Christmas.  Men need guidance and most importantly let them know what you won't tolerate as presents.


i.e.  NO
socks.  If you get this you are dating the wrong type of man.  Get rid instantly.


Perfume.  No imagination.


sexy underwear.  It will be about his fantasy and will probably involve viscose and nylon - a fire hazard.  


sex toys.  Do you really need to keep going with your lazy lover?


'my penis is my present'.  If he thinks his toy is gift enough.  Shove a couple of batteries up his arse and see if 'the toy' works for you!


YES gifts


jewellry as long as it's real.  


Anything Apple (the modern jewels).  Ipod, Ipad, Iphone, Ilike.


What do you give in return?


If you have more than one lover get them all exactly the same thing -  Nothing works well. 


However, if you really must invest in something here are a few suggestions.


A voucher for a blow job in (a) a lift (b) a public bathroom (c) outdoor shrubbery.


Tickets to a future rock event that you want to go to (make sure you retain the tickets saying you had a terrible dream he lost them.  This way if you break up before, you still get to go and ...best of all...the same tickets can be repackaged and given to all lovers as and when you meet over the Christmas holidays.  However, you may need to trim the lovers closer the time or claim the dream was wrong and it was you who lost the tickets).


Aftershave (men don't mind women without imagination).


Sexy silk underwear for you with the promise of pleasing him in it.  (Again, buy one and wear for all).



















  

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