Wednesday, February 08, 2012



To be avoided.  To be steered clear of.  At all costs.

Why?  Many many reasons.

We know men lie.  But we have proof that married men lie.  They lie with you and to you. 

We know men cheat.  But we have proof that married men cheat.  They cheat with you and to you.

We know men are spineless.  But we have proof that married men are spineless.  They can’t leave their wives and they can’t leave you.

We know men have secrets.  But we know a married man has secrets from his wife, others and you.

We know men have their cake and eat it.  But we have proof that married men have their cake and are eating it.

He says he’ll never leave his wife (that is admirable) and if he does leave his wife then you have to know you have taken someone capable of behaving in the same manner to you.  Second time round is always easier. Remember he has walked away from someone he loved desperately enough to marry.  Is this the man you saw yourself sharing the rest of your life with?

Has the marriage gone past its sell by date?  This is quite possible since most marriages have a shelf life of 10 years.  After that it’s stale and soon after it’s inedible.  Can we deny a man a wish not to be manacled to a promise made sometime before? 

Absolutely not.

I would never be that cruel.

We should not deny a married man a sex life after marriage. If the married man has a need to seek sexual variety elsewhere then he should contact a reputable agency and pay for a date.  Safer, cheaper and no whiplash (unless that’s his predilection).

However, most don’t.  Most have a revolt for ‘the sex industry’.  Why they think buying dinner and expecting sex after is no less a payment is interesting.  Thus the married man connects ‘live’ with women.  It could work.  Indeed it often does but there is that danger that one or both fall in love with each other.  The nuclear fall out won’t be pretty!

Should he have the courage, the madness, the ability to walk away from his life we then have to consider his cultural upbringing:
Brought up as a catholic – he comes to you with guilt, bucketfuls of it.
Brought up a Protestant – he comes to you with guilt and the dog.
Brought up a Jew – he comes to you with guilt and a mother.
Brought up a Muslim – he comes to you with guilt and 50 members of his family that are still speaking to him.
Brought up a Hindu – he comes to you with guilt and sibling educational payments.
Brought up an atheist – he comes to you with guilt and a shitload of books.

Did any of you sign up for the above when your eyes met across the crowded room at the PTA meeting?  Did you think of the above as you gave him your number?  Did you consider the above when you went on the first date?  You need to!

A married man comes with over 30k of baggage.  So overweight it would not be allowed on any aircraft ready to take off.  Excess baggage will have to be paid for and it will be you forking out the price for it.

1.     The angry and hurt wife (and she has cause to be).
2.     His children.
3.     The family animal.
4.     Division of property.
5.     Lawyers.
6.     His family.
7.     Her family.
8.     Your family.
9.     His friends.
10. Her friends.
11. Their friends.
12. Your friends.

All that negative energy aimed entirely at you because remember no one ever blames the cheating husband.  The fault lies with you.  You are the woman who destroyed his life.  You are Eve in the Garden of Eden (and she’s there in everyone’s cultural upbringing).

Once the dust has settled you are left with a relationship that appears to be, at last free of chaos, but in reality you could be left with a relationship full of boredom.  What kept it alive was the excitement of the cheating and then the unity you had in your need to be together as you fought against the ‘others’, and tried to win over some of the others.

It’s then only a matter of time before the Married Man (now to you) won’t consider contacting a reputable agency because of moral (ha) issues.

And if he doesn’t leave his wife?  Wont? Then you are subjected to two main choices and several off shoots thereof.  Stay and be his mistress.  Leave to do a valley of the dolls (drugs, tissues and therapy). 

You might (in moments of total lunacy) be thinking of controlling the situation.  Don’t.  Do not call his wife and tell her what her cheating husband has been up to.  Do you really want to force this man into your arms? Can you respect him for needing you to take control?  Can you respect him for then coming to you because he has nowhere else to go?  Do you want a man so spineless that he couldn’t leave on his own? 

The above is the future played out.  Now that you know the outcome, you might want to consider not handing him your number.  Not agreeing to a lunchtime date. 

However, if you do find yourself in this unenviable position because it took you by surprise and sadly it can, then take a deep breath, strap yourself well in and be prepared for the roller coaster ride that only a small percentage are able to get to the end and smile.

The other (much larger percentage) fall.  The only question is when you do will you break?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please comment - the more you put, the more I learn, the more I write.