Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Rule number One:  You put up the advert.  This way you get to scan and pick.
Do not post a photo of yourself until you are ready to meet someone.  Absolutely get a photo of who you are planning on meeting but remember this will give you zero indication of what he looks like but at least you’ll know he’s male.
Stipulate exactly what you want.  Don’t hold back.  Make demands i.e. I expect oral sex.  I expect you to be well hung.  No hairy back.  Don’t bother to sell yourself apart from perhaps a little indication as to what you look like.  You put the ad. up therefore you make the demands. Do not mention your failings (naturally you don’t have any but more importantly, a failing to you may just be what one man is looking for). 
Once you have made your selection avoid too much email time.  Don’t get to know a possibility over cyber space.  Some men get off on having only that contact and you will waste precious time.  Some men are reluctant to meet up early on because the picture they sent you is not actually them or taken in a very good light some 10 years before.  These men are hoping to trap you with their personality which trust me will not live up to the huge disappointment when you discover he falls short of his advertised trailer.
Here are some home truths about computer dating:
1.   Men who scan Internet dating sites are short.
2.   Men who scan Internet dating sites think they look as good as the picture they send.
3.   Men who scan Internet dating sites don’t take note of exceptions in your advertisement i.e. not bald or receding.  Not under 5ft 1inch.
4.   Men who scan Internet dating sites think when you put an age limit of 38 you actually mean 98.
5.   Men who scan internet dating sites are too cheap to go out to a bar and spend money looking for a date.
6.   Men who scan Internet dating sites are just looking for sex.
7.   Men who scan internet dating sites are just looking for their fantasy.
Danger signals not to be ignored when contact has been established:
1.   Anyone who sends poetry is actually shallow and looking for a quick fuck.
2.   Anyone from IT is not able to have a normal conversation off the computer.
3.   Anyone sending in a photo that cuts off the top of their head and/or who is wearing a hat/cap is actually bald or has hair plugs.
4.   Anyone who immediately asks if you can ‘host’ is a parasite.
5.   Anyone who just offers coffee is as cheap as he sounds.
6.   Anyone who talks about his ex girlfriend is on the rebound.
7.   Anyone who speaks in acronyms thinks he’s cool – he is not!
Is it possible to meet someone reasonable on a dating site?  Yes, but frankly the chances are better when you leave it to the universe, but then this will not apply to someone who lives in the middle of nowhere.. say Pinner on the metropolitan line in London.  In which case you have no option but to go with internet dating.  But be aware of this: When you meet your blind date you are critical of everything; reading something into all they say and do; scanning them mercilessly for flaws.  When you meet someone at a party or bar you enjoy the conversation for what it is and ‘like’ takes grip.  You get to know what he sounds like.  Plus you have probably been drawn to him by smell, which ups the lust meter thus allowing you to ignore certain flaws that may crack open. 
And if you are serious about finding your beau through cyber space get a dummy email address, and a good webcam.

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