Friday, April 06, 2012



Years of extensive research; of probing, questioning, extracting, experiencing have now come to bring you ladies the ultimate guide to men. Follow these simple rules and you will, forever have a man who will never leave you. Naturally you can boot him out if you get bored.

First the overall look at a man.

Men are intrinsically stupid (do not tell him this).
Men think linearly.
Men are actually romantic.
Men want to please women.

Us women have sabotaged relationships by our demands, nagging, pressure and this inexplicable need to change the man we love. The first thing you need to do is to stop trying to change someone we have fallen in love with. If he doesn’t fit then don’t be with him. Accept him for who he is, yes even the ones that cheat on you. If you don’t like that then don’t be with him. You have the power to change yourself but you will lose the power over your man if you force change in him. If he does alter himself to suit what you wish for then let it be of his own doing and not a condition of your ‘hanging around’.

Men cannot hold on to too many threads. They need to deal with one topic at a time, which is why they can turn off to nagging, since women often nag while men are watching football and it’s not hard to understand which of the two his mind will focus on.

Therefore focus on asking and getting one thing at a time before moving on to the next.

Do not nag. Ask and ask nicely and yes again and again if you have to. Women you have the skills to think up inventive ways of asking the same thing and make it sound new and remember men are stupid so they won’t get the new twist.

Appreciate. You will note that I have put that in bold. Why? Because you women (although not stupid) are stubborn and don’t like to change your stance on appreciation. Men compliment us. They tell us they like our new dress. Our new hairstyle. Our great personality. Do we compliment them enough? Do we tell them how handsome they are? How hot they look? How every woman in the room is looking at them? Hell no. Why? Insecurity. Get over it! Learn to give your man attention. Build up his ego. This shouldn’t be too difficult, after all they are the things you think but never voice. 

With appreciation comes ‘thank you.’ Thank him for the evening, for the conversation, for opening the door, for saying you look beautiful and soon you could be thanking him for pearls!

Men are actually romantic. Suggest romantic breakaways. Drag him out to see a spectacular sunset and wrap yourself around him while sighing out how much you love him and how much you want him.

Show him you love him. Tell him his cock is big and if it isn’t then tell him his balls are (lord knows they’ll look big against a minute cock). Compliment him on his sexual technique (if he’s crap, teach him).

Do not pressure with big stuff i.e. ‘Let’s go round the world together.’ Start with a short weekend trip.  Tell him it’s a wonderful place. Thank him for taking you there. Then suggest the 10-hour bus ride to this great place just over the border in another country that you heard has the most romantic view over the city. When there, thank him for taking you. Tell him the bus ride was actually quite relaxing. Then suggest the overnight train journey, as you’ve always wanted to have hot sex on a train.  Soon you’ll have circumnavigated the globe. Magellan would have probably done it a lot sooner had he had a woman on board one of his earlier ships.

Still in doubt? Watch a father give in to his 6 year old daughter every time. You have more skills than that child. You have sex as a tool. Keep your man happy and he will work to make you happy. Focus on the good he brings and not the disappointment you find, which is only of your creation anyway since you set your sights, perhaps differently to who he is.

Failing all this? Give an awesome blowjob!

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