Sunday, June 17, 2012

POST COITAL DIRECTIVES: A SHALLOW SISTER'S DATING WORKSHOP


A SHALLOW SISTER’S DATING WORKSHOP – POST COITAL DIRECTIVES

Hair unbrushed?  Make-up smudged? Boob tube? Mini skirt? Stilettos?  That look never did anyone any favours at any age.

You’ve gone out once again fooling yourself that you won’t sleep with a stranger.  And indeed it would seem that you have convinced yourself of this given you haven’t squeezed a hairbrush, more than a lipstick and a sensible pair of shoes into your clutch bag.  Plus!  What did you think you were wearing?  Boob tube and tight skirt doesn’t look good at anytime. 

You have two choices (a) never spend the night out (b) dress better. 

Let us attack (a) first since if you adhere to this rule you never need to worry about (b).

Post Coital Rule and there is only one.

Never spend the night.

This way you can avoid (a) looking like shit (b) tottering home in the early hours on 6-inch heels trying to make a mini skirt appear half way decent and a boob tube not to sparkle so much (if you keep insisting on wearing this).  But this is not the only reason.

It has been scientifically proven that women like to cuddle after sex and men like to sleep.  In order to become anywhere near a Shallow Sister you have to start thinking and feeling like a man.  If you like the guy – a 10-minute cuddle is fine but then get up and go home.  Too drunk to go? Then you need to have dressed accordingly for this possibility.  If you are going to spend the night then do so with style.  Provided it’s not a rush to work, ask for a towel so you can shower.  Touch up your make up; brush your hair; use your fingers to clean your teeth (if you haven’t packed the toothbrush with the condom); put on those sensible shoes and leave giving him a short peck on the lips and a smile.  At this point, do not stay for breakfast.  You will leave him gasping for more and more importantly you can avoid the awkward after breakfast parting.  Responses should be:

Him:            Would you like a coffee?
You:            No thanks, I’ll catch one on my way home/to work.
Him:            Shall I make breakfast?
You:            Not this morning, thanks (this gives him the impression you may be open to another night of lust).
Him:            Can I drop you off?
You:            No thanks.  Another time perhaps (ditto above).

Like I said, it’s best not to spend the night.  It leaves him gasping for more if he’s interested in something beyond the first shag.  It highlights your maturity; your independence; your non-needy personality.  You will also get a better night’s sleep.

What if he falls into a deep sleep before you make your unusual exit?  Go.  But you are now entitled to go through his pockets and extract the taxi ride money to go home with.  You can do two things (a) let him assume he spent more money that evening than he thought or (b) write a note that says ‘you fell asleep so I went home.  PS I borrowed money for the cab home.’  Do not feel tempted to put down your phone number.  Frankly lady do you want to be with a man who can fall asleep while you are in his space? 

And what if he’s at your place?

Kick him out!

Cuddle him a bit and say.  ‘You need to go now.’ 
What if he protests?  Tell him no one stays the night.  Do not justify it further.  It’s now a challenge and he will want to be the first to spend the night (little does he know you’ve relented before).  

So the next time you go out ditch the party gear and go for something that looks good to the paperboy in the morning too.  Pack emergency grooming items and get yourself a Mary Poppins bag.  If you shop well you’ll be amazed with what you can fit into an evening purse.

Better yet make sure you always have the cab fare home and the balls to walk out before your genetic coding kicks in and you want to chat and cuddle while he wants to sleep and snore.

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