Saturday, June 23, 2012

KNOWING WHEN IT'S OVER - A SHALLOW SISTER'S WORKSHOP

A SHALLOW SISTER’S WORKSHOP – KNOWING WHEN IT’S OVER.

Now apart from the obvious i.e. he tells you, it is often hard to recognize it’s over especially when it has been a long relationship and especially when so much of your life is connected.

Sex.  You will no longer want to have it with him.  A good sign that he is feeling the same way is that he will no longer be suggesting it.  But men have needs so don’t be entirely fooled by this.

Chat.  That goes too.  You could find yourself having dinner out together and be one of those couples that eat their meal without talking.  You thought they were so sad and promised each other you would not slip into that.  You have!

Talk.  The only talk you do is about daily things.  Agendas, what happened at work, what’s for dinner?  Other talk will be bickering.

Irritation.  He will irritate the hell out of you. 

What is the solution?

Get out NOW!

OK I admit (having been in the situation – pre Shallow days) there is a need to continue to try.

Yes you can go to counseling but you’ve just won yourselves 2 years or lost yourself 2 years depending on how you look at it.  You can soldier on and become bitter but to what ends?  To become a widow?  To say we made it?  Made what?  Stuck together because you were too fearful of the exciting world that awaited you?  Fearful of being alone, not realizing that you are in fact someone alone trapped in a relationship?  Afraid to disappoint others?  Do other’s mean more to you than yourself?

Trapped by finances?  Is money more important than your soul?  Besides in this day and age there is no excuse for a woman not to be able to take care of herself.  Therefore if you are trapped by finances you are in fact trapped by the small possessions of luxury he brings. 

Trapped by DIY?  It’s hard to let a man go who knows how to use his tools.  Even harder if he cooks.  Harder yet if he irons.  Almost impossible if he cleans.

Trapped by children?   You know there is a way out of it.  They are often convenient excuses to delay life.

In the end it all comes to one thing that prevents you moving on: Fear, which is often disguised by calling it ‘duty.’

Martyrdom is for the middle ages.  Don’t make your relationship a religion.

Take a deep breath.  Be man or woman enough to admit you want to move on.  That you can and that it will be the best thing for both of you.  You know that, it is.  Provided you do exactly that.  Move on!  Don’t look back.  Don’t focus on the past.  Doing so will rob you of a present and a bright future.

Your choice is this:

Let go of a past or Give up a future.




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