Sunday, January 06, 2013



Hell?  I can tell you what hell is.  It's listening to the religious rant on.  That is my take on hell.  (It is also the London Underground ..anytime…)

Has hell changed over the centuries?  Here again I’m going to go catholic since I know no religion that does guilt as well as they do (plus it also means I’m not talking out of my arse as I would be with just about every other religion).

The Pope has apparently skirted the hell subject and now tried to quietly insert it as something people like me suffer because I do not have God’s Grace.  I should let the Pope know that I’m doing pretty much all right without God’s Grace (and who is she exactly?).  In fact having to no longer fear the Old Testament’s visions of Hell is comforting – thank you Pope on putting us clear on that.  What is now his version of Heaven I wonder?  Since I no longer self-flagellate in guilt, neither do I need to go to confession and tell some priest I sucked my boyfriend off behind the school wall or better yet that I fantasize nightly of fucking a priest, I am released of Hell by releasing myself of God. 

The Australian comedian Jim Jeffries expressed his view on Hell brilliantly.  As far as he is concerned God’s written all shit about the devil and what to expect when you go to hell (because let’s face it, according to God no one’s going to heaven – not even the Pope).  Jim Jeffries says that as far as he can see the Devil hasn’t brought out a book yet so we don’t know his side. 

Now apart from Hell, Catholicism has a place called Purgatory.  A sort of in-between place for the Pope and others.  A place of purification, a sort of mini hell.  Did you think God was not into S&M?  It’s the place we all hang out while God plays shit with our minds and our friends and family pray for our release to Heaven.  Apparently the currency of entering heaven is prayer.  The more ‘Hail Mary’s’ and ‘Our Father’s’ said on our behalf the better chance we have of getting into Heaven.  So even near Saint like people are stuffed if they don’t have a posse of friends praying furiously for their elevation to sit with God. 

Hell?  Where is it?  Now, according to history it’s in Turin, Italy. Yes, I kid not.  Its entrance is in Piazza Statuto where the Fontana del Frejus commemorates something.  The pinnacle of the statue has an angel purported to be man’s conquest of True Knowledge and is the image of Lucifer.  In the garden in the middle of the square is a manhole cover, which is considered by many to be the Gateway to Hell.  In reality the manhole is the city’s drainage system, which is hell enough.

It surprised me to learn when, on the way to Turin; I freaked a couple of people out.  I was interested in the history and asked where this place was.  Frantic signs of the cross and instructions that I should not look for this place, disturb its heinous history and basically go pray and purify myself for even asking.  This is modern day Italy and from young people too.  Is the fear of hell so ingrained in their teaching that everyone is shit scared?  Hell knows!

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