Tuesday, April 30, 2013



I would like to suggest that you take the high moral ground on this.  That you don’t seek retribution for the wrongs another has done to you; but the truth is – doing nothing just doesn’t sit right.  Right?

I have heard of many fine methods of revenge.  My favourite is leaving a fresh, uncooked prawn or two in the hem of the curtain of someone you wish to get back at.   Imagine how (in a few days) the house will reek.  Imagine how difficult it would be to locate said stink.  The original story has it that the smell in the house became intolerable that the homeowner moved, taking his curtains with him, of course!

How do you right the wrong that has been done to you?  First and foremost you need to look deep into yourself (but this may be tricky, if you are as shallow as I am) and decide ‘Is it revenge you seek or vengeance?’ The difference is critical.  Revenge is an act of passion.  It has no task other than to inflict wounds, to destroy back.  It is filled with real hatred.  Vengeance is about justice.  Are you to avenge in order to repair the damage done by another?  To punish the crime, in order to mend?  In which case you have just justified the need to smite back.  But before you go in there guns/threats/prawns blazing, check out some fine quotations (now available on Google) to give sound advice.

My least favourite, but the most vital is the one that says, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”  Which sort of makes it vengeance does it not, if passion is to be considered ‘hot’?

Therefore some distance from the pain is required.  Plotting without passion is needed.  All possible scenarios explored?  After all, does it not take planning and cunning to trick your way into your ex tormentor’s house?  Once there you could stuff that prawn into their curtain hem, but without painstaking research there is the dreadful possibility you will find blinds!

For mistresses spurned or annoyed or just plain drunk, there is always that phone call to the wife.  This one is best kept as a last resort.  It is also best to recheck where this one lies; ‘revenge’ or ‘vengeance’?

Of course you could wait for Karma to do the work for you.   But I reckon Karma is overstretched as it is and may well need a jolt from the likes of a pissed off, pre-menstrual woman hell bent on revenge.  

What I have found is that time and patience plays a grand hand.  An opportunity will present itself.  It may takes years and when you get the chance to lay waste a life, two possibilities will occur.  Either you do it and can high five yourself forever, or you have become indifferent to the past wrong, which is the most likely but keep them prawns handy, just in case.

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