A SHALLOW’S SISTER TAKE ON SEXUAL TABOOS – PORNOGRAPHY
I have no problem with pornography, but that could be because I write about it. However, pornography has had bad press. Not least the unacceptable face of pornography that crosses into criminality. But I’m not going to go into that.
I’m concerned about how misrepresented pornography is to the youth of today. I have children. I don’t wish them to learn that porn sex is what is expected of them. Today most teenagers and even adults are learning a huge amount from watching porn, which realistically isn’t sex. It is Porn! It is to titillate and to get you off in the privacy of your bedroom – alone. It is not to be practiced on (except in some occasional role play) with your partner.
My generation learned sex through whispered conversations with friends; through boyfriends who had some experience; through reader’s letters in men’s magazines (mostly written by skilled writers – such as myself) and from novellas by Anonymous (a prolific writer). Then there were the favorites, by Anais Nin and Erica Jong. For the more cultured? Lady Chatterley’s Lover and Madame Bovary and for those looking for something outside everyone’s comfort zone there were the Marquis de Sade, The story of O and Venus in Furs. If we wanted visuals we could rely on the Kama Sutra.
With the help from the aforementioned works we worked our imagination. We listened to the sound of our lover - his breathing; his cries of pleasure. We felt his movement – the arching of his body, the tensing of his toes, the pressure of his fingers on our skin. We learned in this way to please, to give, and in turn, to enjoy.
The young of today have had their imaginative growth stunted by what is available in the visual, on the Internet. I have looked at hundreds of hours of Internet pornography and began to wonder if I had been doing it wrong for all of my sexual years! But having had experience with the younger generation, I realize what is wrong. It is these lessons learned from their computers. Only when they encounter someone from the old school do they understand the difference between sex and porn.
Has pornography got anything right? Yes, of course. As a purely educational tool it has taught us so much. Position possibilities and sexual toys (to name two). But it does not teach men that most women are atheists when it comes to ‘the dick god’. We like dick, but we like fingers and tongues too! Think about this lads: we can simulate a penis inside our vaginas quite convincingly with toys. Fingers (that are not ours) and tongues (unless yoga is a forte) is our need. Therefore, men should put some hours into learning the subtle art of pleasuring women, using the apparatus called, ears. Listen to her moans. Be aware of how her body shifts. If she tells you to ‘go slow’, do it. Neither be afraid to ask if she likes it ‘harder’, ‘softer’, ‘faster’, ‘slower’ but limit your words. Your tongue, at this point is not always for talking.
As for women? I shall cover, in more detail the fine art of the blowjob and all it’s peripheral possibilities in a workshop.
May I suggest that instead of downloading porn, you download some classic erotic penmanship and allow your imagination, ears, eyes, instinct and touch to take you through the mysteries of your partners’ bodies. Use literature to instruct you in sensuality; in the finesse of fine lovemaking and to help you give and achieve some heart stopping, head twisting, body levitating orgasms.