Thursday, May 30, 2013

TWO LOVES - A SHALLOW SISTER'S TAKE.


TWO LOVES – A SHALLOW SISTER’S TAKE.

Bonnie Tyler has sung about it.

Ingrid Bergman has acted it out in Casablanca.

Poets have mused on this.

Is it possible to be in love with two people at once?

I am assuming we are adult enough to recognise an infatuation, and know what is fully blown love.

Yes.  It is possible – for some.  Not everyone has the space and diversion in themselves to accommodate two loves.  For those who do, it can suck; and not in the blowjob sense.

For people like me it is very possible.  I have spent most of my life in love with at least two people.  Not always at the crossroad of a choice. Often with someone that I could not exorcise from my heart, or someone new.  I lived with it.  I stopped self-flagellating over it; and just allowed myself to have space for another love.

People like me are capable of loving more than one person because of our complexities.  No one person can fulfill all of our needs.  We accept this, which is why we take on someone who can fill at least half of what we desire.  And then along comes someone else, who has the makings of filling the other half.  What do we do?  Keep them both going for as long as we can?  What real choice is there?

Can a complex person ever just love one person?  Yes.  The soul mate - I will cover this fully under another heading.

What happens when you are at a crossroads?  Where a choice has to be made. You could listen to the wise words of Johnny Depp (who can do no wrong (apart from sport facial hair)). 

“If you love two people at the same time choose the second one because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second”

You could also take my suggestion and ‘delegate to the subconscious’.    Ignore the choice and let life guide you.  However, it will show you that Johnny Depp is right.

What happens when one lover knows of the other lover and pushes you into the corner of decision?  Here lying is infinitely the most responsible way to go.  Tell your lover ‘you choose him/her’.  Play for time.  Tell them you need to extract yourself with the minimum of fuss.  Then hope you get your answer before you lose both!

In the interim of waiting for the epiphany that sets you right, examine the reasons why you are unable to choose.  Are you fearful your new love does not have the stamina to stand the test of time?  Are you afraid of hurting others?

I know someone who faced a similar dilemma.  He had been in a relationship for years with a woman his family loved; their friends were mutual; she knew him well; they had a mortgage, a cat and then he met someone else. She gave him passion and love and adventure and made him feel alive.  Who did he choose?  Johnny Depp had not penned his wise words yet and he married the first. He did so for the peripherals and because of the needs of others.  They recently divorced after twenty-five years.  He does not regret his choice because he has children from her.  However, he tells me he lived more than half of those years in a marriage where he felt alone. He is happier now looking for someone else to give him what he once gave up.

Let’s hope he gets the chance to find this and does not wish Johnny Depp had spoken earlier.



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