Friday, August 23, 2013



You’ve been white-anted. (White-anting is an Australian term for the process of internal erosion of a foundation. The term is derived from the action of termites (white ants) eating the inside of wooden building foundations, often leaving no outward evidence, until the structure crumbles.

Your exterior shell functions, as it must. Your interior is shot to pieces. In order to survive the massacre of our heart you need to repair the interior quickly. 

Here’s how:

Adhere to 7 days speed mourning.
You’ve done speed dating, speed driving, speed getting yourself ready in the morning for work; so there is no reason why you can’t do speed mourning. 

Here are the rules:
For 7 days you are allowed to drink copious amounts of alcohol, coffee, sugary drinks.
You can eat excessively in the hope of finding comfort in food (chocolate is a given).
You can call your friends (day and night) talk about him, the relationship, the pain, the happiness, the regret, the mistakes, the hopes, the dreams etc. They have to listen. They have to be there for you.  They have to put up with repeat conversations and supply you with whatever you need.
You can slob around the house; stay in your pajamas, not answer the door, soap can take the form of TV serials only.
You can do whatever drugs you can get your hands on. You can do whatever excess is required to burn him out of your heart.

BUT … after 7 days - it’s over. You’ve done the mourning. You’ve buried him. 
His name is not to be mentioned. His letters and emails are not to be looked at. His pictures stored somewhere far from you. Avoid anything that reminds you of him i.e. venues, music, books, films, poetry, drinks, and food. Avoid anything that can trigger a pain i.e. poetry, romantic films, love songs.  Change your radio channel. Only play Heavy metal (if the song is romantic you won’t be able to hear the words above the din). Go have a bath. Get to the hairdresser. Go out. Meet friends (if you have any left after the 7 days of whining). Watch only comedy. Force yourself to laugh. Do some sports everyday (you’ll need to if you turned to food for comfort). Every time he invades your thoughts (which could be continual), allow him a moment and then force him to exit them. It is up to you how long you wish him to remain in them. It is up to you how long you allow him to check into your heart (now as an unpaid guest). It is up to you how much you wish to keep investing in Kleenex (they have enough holiday homes).

Remember the investment you put into loving him? Now you need to invest that same love on yourself by taking him from the place he once was in your heart.

Of course it won’t easy but it will be as difficult as you choose to make it. The control is yours. With a bit of luck after two and a half days of speed mourning you will be bored and ready to face the world – a new you and a better one for having ridden over pain and survived.

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