Monday, August 12, 2013



We all have lists (some written, some mental) as to what physical traits we are looking for in someone (based upon what turns us on). 

Sometimes we overlook these in favour of other notable, less shallow traits. Then we end up with someone who lacks the ability to turn us on; so we try to improve our partner.  (The general suggestions of clothing change; and removal/addition of facial hair are mostly to do with improvements of the sexy image you already have).  I’m talking here about real changes i.e. plastic surgery.  Many a man out there has suggested (and paid for) breast enlargements.  Many a woman has put her man on a diet and sent him to the gym.

Let’s look at women first since men and women handle sex in a different way:

He’s bald and you’ve got a thing about scalp hair.  But he’s got other things you like, i.e. money and a great personality.  So you settle and you do pretty well on that.  He’s into you so you can pretend to be into him; and so it continues as you focus on the great times you have out of bed and the curtain catalogue of all the great chitzes he can afford.  Women are very good at detaching in this way and you can expect to live a relatively happy life unless you hurt her in which case she’ll be shagging the pool boy at the first opportunity.

But for men it’s a different story:

You’ve found a partner who is nearly everything you’ve always wanted, only….. she’s too fat or too thin. She’s pretty, she’s funny, she’s intellectually stimulating but her body isn’t doing it for you.  Can you detach?  No way.  Men need more than the cerebral to keep their erection.  Your relationship is destined to become a brother/sister one.  You will cheat on her.  You need to.  Your body demands it.  It will be out of your control.  You may well love her, adore her even but your penis needs what it needs.

The answer?  Find someone whose body does it for you.  Sure bodies change as you evolve in the relationship and the body you once shacked up with will not be the one you cuddle 10 years down the line, but it is the one you remember and the one you have a history with and that should take you through another decade or so. 

Partnership stages have an order:
1.              Physical attraction moves on to
2.              Lust that becomes
3.              Love that evolves into
4.              Spirituality.

If you don’t have the initial ‘lust’ aspect the relationship house collapses.  Without proper foundations you cannot hope to weather the storms.

As a point of note:  It is very possible to feel a deep attraction for someone who does not tick your wish list.  Chemistry is a force unexplained.  You may find yourself unable to keep your hands off the fat girl you said you would never date; or the bald guy who would normally repulse you.  If that is the case?  Grab that person, hold on to him/her, don’t let go.  You have every chance of shagging each other into your 90’s as your bodies shift and change because chemistry just won’t diminish.

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