Wednesday, March 19, 2014



Love appears in many guises.

We often mistake it for lust. If the sex is better than the chat then it’s the penis you are in love with. But there’s nothing wrong with that, I’ve had ‘in lust’ last longer than ‘in love’.

Need. How often we mistake love for need. We are conjurors of our own emotions. We can do magic by lying to ourselves. We enhance what isn’t there because we have a need.

Do not make a man fit a need.

Why? Well, because you will always be disappointed. And that’s not his fault. You have expectations because he falls way below them and therefore you work to elevate him to reach them. In reality you are in love with who you would like him to be and not who he is. The who he is, is actually not someone you could love. But he fits because you have a need to love and be loved.

I don’t always take the side of the man but on this I do. How dare your ‘need’ tell someone you love him and then reprimand him for not meeting your expectations!

Your need must accept who you choose, not who you think he is capable of becoming. That is not love. That is ‘bagsy’ someone and then change him to your requirements; then blame him for not living up to your image of who he should be; then breaking his heart claiming he broke yours by being so disappointing.

Unconditional love. If you don’t know what that is, ask a mother.

With unconditional love you will never be disappointed; you will revel in the beauty of emotion he has placed in you. When he is unable to meet your hopes (expectations) then you will bow your head, blink once and know, ‘he is unable to for now and/or he is not able to’. You can then enjoy what he is able to give you.

How do you reach this state? Accept the man for who he is in the beginning. If there is anything you wish to change, other than his aftershave, move on. Fly solo, otherwise he will irritate, hurt and disappoint you and in reality that state of being is far worse than loneliness; after all, alone you can fill your time with random sex partners, and enjoy the freedom this brings.

My lover is flawed.
Twisted bands of Gaudi steel
Reach out to me,
Sometimes to burn,
But often to caress.
With Picasso eyes he
Sees life in disjointed patches.
I am one of those;
Not found where I should be.
My lover lives in Dali's world 
Of the unexpected.
In a vortex of chaos.
Yet in his imperfect world
He is perfect.
For he loves me.

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