Friday, September 26, 2014

THE FATAL FLAW : A SHALLOW SISTER'S DATING WORKSHOP


A FATAL FLAW : A SHALLOW SISTER’S DATING WORKSHOP

All men have a fatal flaw. Finding it out early while dating is not always easy, but you need to keep vigilant with the knowledge there is one. Maybe even two. Lord knows some have all of them.

The main flaws are:

1.              He’s an alcoholic.
2.              He’s way too into drugs.
3.              He gambles.
4.              He is a serial cheater.
5.              He has a moustache.

You may well laugh at the last one but men have inner moustaches and that, my dear, is a pretty dreadful fatal flaw (more so if he has an outer one too).

I consider myself an expert on this topic given I have dated the entire above and even married one. Did I know he had a flaw? Well yes, because I was not shallow then and thought I could ‘save him’. Trust me the only person you need to save is yourself.

1.           The Alcoholic. In my opinion this one is the easiest to tell. Just order a bottle and he’ll insist upon a second. You will note he probably fills his glass more than yours. He might even come to the date tanked. One date met me with a coffee mug filled with whiskey! The date did not last long. I even had one order shots between bottles of wine over dinner. The fact he was German is no excuse.

2.          The Druggie. Initially it is fun to have stoned sex or enjoy a trip together but soon that’s all our druggie wants to do. Your world will shrink in size. You can’t go on holidays together unless it’s a place his dealer has recommended.  A good sign you’ve met a druggie is when he feels safe to tell you all about the notable moments in his life and most of them will include substance abuse. I had a boyfriend’s sexual performance triple in expertise over one memorable night. It turned out he was high on cocaine. Not a great problem really but I heard those bells toll the end of the relationship. He didn’t want to share (reason enough to ditch him, right?)


3.       The Gambler. The first sign may be when he asks to borrow money. He will be penny pinching. He will never have money on him because a compulsive gambler always loses since he does not know when to stop.

4.          The Serial Cheater. Aren’t they all? But, just in case you got one that is either too drunk to stray then how do you know? You don’t. Not until someone tells you. Or until you stumble upon an indiscretion (god forbid you find out because you dig through his stuff – slippery slope that one; it leads to the Bunny Boiler syndrome). However, you could detect a Casanova easily. He will cancel dates and reset them. He will keep his phone close or turn it off completely. He will take it to the toilet (he’s had experience of women who snoop). He’ll often take you to places he’s never been before and may well be out of his area of work/sleep.


5.         The Moustache. They are men who are jealous and controlling. Spotting one is easier than you think. If he’s from Turkey his culture holds that jealousy is a sign of love. Any culture that elevates this destructive emotion must be avoided. It’s not that hard to spot a jealous man. Test him early on by talking about your ex lovers. If he tries to ignore the mention of them that’s your warning sign. Any reference to your past sluttiness that is not humorous or indeed revered is another bell ringer. If he drones on about his exes he is insecure and he will need to control you.

These Fatal Flaws have degrees naturally. For me the least destroying (yes we have to settle sometimes ladies) is the serial cheater. Why? Because that is the one that probably won’t cost you your house and your car. You might have to pay with your sanity but then again, you can always leave. The Moustache is not even worth going there. You think you can change him? Think again. You might be the woman who makes it livable for the next woman (if he learns a lesson) but in the lifetime of your relationship he will take away your soul, cage you and for a while you will think this is OK. But you will invest too many years disconnected to the best part of who you are until one day he forgets to bolt the cage. Let's hope you remember how to fly.

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