A SHALLOW SISTER’S DATING WORKSHOP – CRY WOLF
If you thought parables were taught for no good reason. You are wrong.
Crying wolf is all about belief. Lie and you are no longer believed, even if one day you tell the truth.
When it comes to threats you cannot ‘cry wolf’. How would you retract the consequences of your warning? Of course at the time you may have thought you were ready to act upon your ‘on pain of death’ promise. But a warning given in anger or hurt is as good as one given in the cold light of day because belief is what makes a threat work. Without it there is no strength to the law you lay down. And once you are calm belief is no-where to be seen and your threat is an empty one.
Let’s say your partner cheats on you. Did you tell him at the onset of dating that ‘cheating’ would be ‘the red card’? And now that he has, you are instead waving a ‘yellow card’? Ok, I grant that you have one shot when you can renege. After all he is showing remorse and throwing promises at you that you don’t quite believe, but want to. But what happens when it happens again? (For those who believe it won’t, can I point you toward the scientific statistic the web is full of). Do you wave an ‘orange card’, perhaps a ‘fuchsia one’? No. You do not become the boy that cries wolf. You expel him from your life.
What happens if you don’t? Well… all threats made from that time onwards have no weight. He may fear it will be the one time you act upon it, but deep down he has lost respect for you; probably about as much respect as you have lost for yourself for being unable to believe in your right to have promises met.
Of course what you should have done at the onset is temper the initial threat i.e. “I’d be devastated if you ever cheated on me. I’m unsure if our relationship could withstand that”. Thus come the time he disappoints you, you can move up a notch on the ladder of threats without dumping him.
This then leads up to the question of “Why are you putting up with a man who falls so far short of what you want?” Perhaps, rather than give him a hard time for hurting you, you should look at yourself and ask why you’d rather be in fear of more pain, than be alone.
Remember that once you’ve made a threat you need to act upon it. Otherwise, you are giving your partner the power. He knows your threats mean little. He knows he can keep disappointing you (which won’t just extend to cheating) because he knows you fear losing him. Of course there is the chance of ‘the last straw’ showing up. In which case he’ll either be relieved you broke it off or sorry you have. You, on the other hand will be so done with pain and hurt it won’t matter to you what he thinks.